I have a blessing and a curse.
A gift and a bane.
I have yet to fully understand it, yet I’ve had the opportunity to figure it out since I learned people can communicate with spirit.
Right now, I honestly don’t want to know all about it, because it’d be a distraction, although I plan on understanding it completely in the near future (now January 24th, 2020).
The curse is that I’m “not allowed” to do certain things.
Certain things regular people can do, I simply can’t do.
That’s the easiest way to explain it.
Because this gift-bane is functional, it’s be best to explain it in detail through example.
Bob’s having a party. Let’s say it’s going to be big, wild, drug-fueled, raver SEX party. Not only that, it’s at an UNDERGROUND FIGHT CLUB, filled with strippers, playmates, and every designer drug you can imagine. Hell, there’s even a DRAG RACE going down! (I figured I’d mention fast cars just to complete the stereotype.)
Bob invites me!
Even if I wanted to go (which I wouldn’t), I wouldn’t be able to. Literally, me making an attempt to go would result in something miraculously/synchronistically/serendipitously disallowing me from going. Something like this would inevitably happen: I’d get a call from someone about me having to do something else more important at that exact time. In general, I’d have some randomly new responsibility to attend to. Or, I’d forget the location of the party and the only person who could give me directions’ phone died or is unreachable. Or, I’d get to the party, but as soon as I was there something would happen to make sure I had to leave. Something would happen, somewhere, somehow, to make sure I would not get involved with the intended Hz of “Bob’s Party.”
Sally’s having a crack smoking contest!
Sally invites me.
Again, even if I wanted to go, I wouldn’t be able to.
John is having a granola party, where everyone hangs out, drinks soda and nonalcoholic beer, and people literally make different types of granola to enjoy the evening.
John invites me.
I could go. But God forbid if John tries to turn the party into a Bob party, again, something would happen to force me away.
Rick is having a party at his nightclub.
I’d probably be able to go. If I did, I would have a curse-filtered experience.
Joe’s having a regular house party.
Again, I could probably go. Again, it’d be curse-filtered.
Now with all this said, the curse goes beyond “not going to certain events.”
It helps organize how I form relationships—all relationships, such as friends, family, and basically how I relate to anything important in my life.
One of the most important things to mention about the curse is that
it isn’t just my imagination—it’s a physical aspect of my human experience.
I’ve had all sorts of things happen. Normally when things break or malfunction it’s at the EXACT moment I was about to “go out of bounds,” so it’s as if whatever’s doing this is showing a crystal-clear demonstration that I’m being observed and intervened with. Physical intervention involves small things, such as a lightbulb bursting—again, at the EXACT moment—to one incident, wherein it felt like what I call “giant dream creatures” re-orchestrated an entire event from happening right before my very eyes, as if my life is a movie, and there are entities in another dimension capable of choosing what movie roll I get to experience mid-movie. Some kind of background, invisible intelligence made sure certain life events of mine went a certain way. Also, whenever something of this nature happened, I’d feel “somewhat high” while seeing such a feat before my eyes. I’d get a tangible feeling sensation that reality is a type dream, while whatever was happening happened, and then the feeling would eventually subside.
An analogy event: As a kid, you go to a friend’s house, and their older brother is supposed to be watching you and your friend. It’s a bad neighborhood, and the older brother is secretly a drug dealer and is being initiated in a gang, and a guy from the gang drive up to the house for some reason. If you and your friend go to check the car, the guy in the car will know you for life, and try to get you in their gang, or tell others about you, or see if you can sell some drugs for him. Basically, if you go to that car, your life will change, and you will be in “that world.” Your inside with your friend, and as the older brother talks to the guy in the car, the guy calls for you and your friend to see what’s up. As soon as he calls, THE CURSE takes over, things feel like a movie, and not only does the door jam so you and your friend can’t go say hi, within that short time of noticing something’s wrong with the door and finally getting it open, a police car drives around the corner, which is noticeably rare, and the guy drives off. THE BLESSING made it so that even if you wanted to see what’s up, you were simply disallowed the ability to have the experience.
All that said, I’m not a bubble boy—I’m not a prude, I’m no cornball, and I’m not against people partying like rockstars.
I’ve seen and done all sorts of things, so it’s not like THE CURSE is shielding me from all negativity or lower vibrations. I was raised in a negatively haunted house, complete with full-blown, legit, see-it-to-believe-it, oh-my-f’ing-god-how-is-this-even-possible poltergeist phenomena—and I’ve been in some scraps (won’em all). So a lot of my basic foundations involved f’d up/ghetto/broke Jamaican/“less-than-ideal” circumstances—or was it all ideal? ;)
As a child, I used to try to test THE CURSE (TC) out, because it was hard to imagine my life was being actually, really, truly censored in some ways but not others. In my adulthood, I’ve learned to be one with THE BLESSING (TB), so I don’t have a problem with it. I honestly don’t know if I still have TC because I’m so harmonized with that vibration now—I feel I probably do… I say “probably” because you don’t REALLY know until you test it, but I definitely feel it’s “still here.” I haven’t tested it in so long maybe it’s changed a bit. Right now, the idea of doing things far out of integrity with my soul’s agenda isn’t even an option. I enjoy sanity and peace, and a lot things people think are fun can be overrated. My idea of fun is making a movie about the mechanics of reality experience, and coming up with new ideas about our complex beingness the world has never heard before. My idea of fun is exploring different ways to cure disease, and actually curing disease. My idea of fun is finding different ways I can better express the grandeur of my soul, so as to make my life into the greatest experience of self I can—all while helping others. I do all sorts of “normal” things for fun, but in general, what wakes me up in the morning is the same stuff I naturally wanted to focus on, due to TB.
Another thing about TC is that I feel drawn to get away from most people and events and things, but in a specific, obvious feeling-thought message of “do not associate.” Anybody with an ounce of groundedness can sense bad vibes, but I’m talking about a specific feeling of “this person/place/thing has nothing to do with your highest path, disassociate now or throw your life away learning nothing and devolving as a person.” The feeling has nothing to do with positivity or negativity; it has to do with relevance. So to use the above examples again, if I was invited to a granola party, there’s a good chance I would get that spiritual GPS feeling of “wrong way,” even though it was a relatively happy vibe. I bring this up, because I can’t just go hang out with people for no reason if it’s not on some level serving my soul’s agenda—actually no, I can, but it’s incredibly uncomfortable. When I was younger it was easy to ignore, and alcohol was a usually-fun tool for blocking that message, but now, I just can’t ignore it. Don’t get me wrong, I goof off, enjoy life, and procrastinate sometimes like anybody with a pulse, but again, after a while, I get pulled back to soul work. Most people I’ve met don’t have much passion about what they like—some strikingly do, but the vast majority don’t. Hell, some people have almost no passion at all it seems. Life can be incredibly challenging, and I’ve felt depressed and defeated before, so I know this first hand. In school, we aren’t taught empowering philosophies on how to deal with the fact that no matter what you accomplish, we’re all gonna die and the world will keep spinning without us—so again, it’s obvious why people don’t care to follow their dreams. But I’ve worked hard for many years figuring this stuff out, and I’ve managed to learn about reality’s structure and the value of the human soul, and I’ve transcended that common melodrama. Right now, I have a wildly insatiable passion for various things, and to not do those things, for me, is a form of death. This gung-ho, let’s-get-it spirit I have ties in with TC because I feel like whatever is re-orchestrating and stopping things from happening in my life, is also assisting me with all these passions I have.
I’m aware most people have intuitive cautions and encouragement, and may have had otherworldly experiences of serendipity, but my experience has been more extreme than what I’ve heard.
Even right now, I feel kinda funny writing about it because I never have publicly, and I’ve never written about it in such detail and consciously owned this whole thing. It’s like I’m wondering if “TB approves” or wi
-ll I make a joke about the whole thing? Of course.
So anyways, who or what is behind THE CURSE? I don’t know, and don’t want to know. I have some ideas about what this all is though. I also have a hunch that once I learn more about it, there’s going to be a lot of things I’ll have to confront and be newly aware of that I don’t feel to right now. I will in the near future. TAS2 swag.